Cookie Ads

Currently I sit here disturb staring at a fortune from a cookie that was sitting on the kitchen counter. "You'll be sure to get a great deal on the 17th of November." And I'm thinking "but from where?" If your going to give someone a crappy fortune at least go all out and give your restaurant name. That would be total top of mind awareness. They really didn't plan on the cookie leaving the store did they. The one major flaw in an otherwise BRILLIANT plan the requires all capitals to emphasize said brilliance.

Seriously though advertising in a fortune cookie? For shame. That is sacred ground that requires a vague yet upbeat saying of sorts. November 12 is something specific, that's one reason I'm pissed. But I wanted to take a ambigous life proverb implicating a good future. Then I could apply it to some goal of mine and feel better about my self worth. Plus the cookie was sort of stale so I was already in a bad mood.

Halloween Precautions

Halloween happened recently. Gotta check the candy for razor blades. Do you know there has never once been found in candy. Never. Zero percent. That's a staggering statistic. So I gotta ask. Who benefitted from that rumor?

And what does that say about us as americans. That we think someone could do that. Be that blatant, I mean. It's not like we're checking candy for poison or pills; something less detectable than usually. No I want to make sure a rather large blade doesn't go undetected in my Snickers because lets faces it Mr. Benjamin next door has shifty eyes.

Junk Mail Stalkers

Despite my best efforts to avoid living at home. Despite my denial during the last three months and my avoidance of completely unpacking I guess I've finally come home. Today my junk mail reached me.

Not your namby pamby forwarded junk mail either. You know the stuff. "Oh we want you to subscribe to People more attractive than you Weekly, but we only have the time to inundate your old house with our mailings. Because we can only send out a few." Frankly my feelings were hurt. First because if I'm on the cover they're hardly more attractive than me and 2) I need validation from ambiguous, mailed in sources.

Eventually I knew this day would come. I fowarded important things to my parent's house like my credit card bills, magazines and the most expensive mouse pad I'll ever own or diploma as my parents call it. But the damn broke and despite my goal of secrecy the not-so-desirables started to find me. Un paid bills (I'll pay the $2 water bill for my August 1st move out day when I see you in hell), student loans (which will survive nuclear holocaust by the way. Just like twinkies and cockroaches). But now I finally have received my junk mail. I now realize that perhaps junk mail is the only entity that really misses me.

Sure all my friends are glad to see me when I visit and give up their various beds and couches. But do they call? Send letters? Specifically email me? No. Of course they'll point out I haven't done the formers for any of them, but I didn't do it for junk mail either.

So since they went to the trouble perhaps today I'll actually turn a new leaf and consider what my estranged and maligned pen pals have to say:

Do I want to subscribe to Variety?
Yes and finally be hip to what happens on a coast I'm no where near. Thank you for trying to enlighten me.

Have you seen this missing person?
Nope but I'll keep my eyes open buddy.

Would you like to restructure you're auto insurance?
Not really but thank you.

Adoption?
Well that doesn't make sense do you mean me or someone else.

Variety again?
That seems like overkill. Come to think of it I find the business a little shallow.

Do you want cheap pills?
Yes.

Actually come to think of it my junk mail friends suck too. They really seem to be all about themselves. They're kind of stalkers too. Searching me out and sending me letters about what they think I might like. Flattering but seriously you guys, stop sending me crap. The mailman's judging me again.

Posting on Posting

Realizing that I hadn't posted in a while I decided to write today. (That's a great lead by the way) Although it matters little since only one real person I think has actually reads this, or at least has posted, so shout out to Lituo! By the way what a great way to shout out; I'll give myself a pat on the back. Look! It's your name! In writing!! Exclamation points are awesome!!!